The king is a finkBert fights the king of America
This is one of Bert’s best abstract paintings. This is an incredibly wild story of how shouthing ‘The King is a fink’ got him into big trouble. This abstract painting is also extremely visually complex. and the exquisite beauty up close is quite remarkable.
Dimensions: 90x60cm.
Painted: 2020.
Materials: Acrylic and glitter on MDF board.
Availability: Private collection.
Painted: 2020.
Materials: Acrylic and glitter on MDF board.
Availability: Private collection.
The story behind The king is a fink
At 2 a.m. Bert was dragged out of his bed by a dozen secret service police officers, hand-cuffed and thrown into the back of a 1974 Chevy van. The hour-long journey was like being in a washing machine as the driver swerved wildly in order to rough him up.
The reason for his arrest – the day before he had shouted that the “king is a fink!”
Looking like Bert had been through a tornado, covered in bruises from head to toe, he was yanked out of the van and then two burly secret service agents then marched him up to the throne room of the king of the United States of America.
Bert was kicking at his captors and cursing a stream of insults when he was unceremoniously dumped before the feet of the fake king. Hand cuffs were removed, and he was promptly kicked in order to get him to stand before the mighty king. Bert took a quick look around the room. There were around two dozen of the kings’ closest advisers, all of them stood quietly with a smirk on their face. They stared at Bert Ernie – the usurper.
“So this is the anarchist!” the king commanded in a mocking tone.
Bert turned to face him. He was old, wrinkled and glowed a bright orange, except around the eyes, which were pale pink. His toupee sat on his head half-cocked, and he seemed oblivious to how he looked. Sad clown. Mad, deranged orange king.
He took a deep breath, before he answered. “Yes, this is the anarchist who dared to curse the o’mighty king. I am a man who challenges your authority,” and then paused before offering “And I challenge you to a fight!”
The king’s eyes squinted, he looked at Bert, then looked to his left and right at his key advisers. Several generals give a quick nod.
The king rose from his throne, throwing his elegant robe to the ground.”I accept your challenge!” he shouted.
He lunged at the challenger and just as he came close Bert side-stepped him. The orange-hued king cursed and had to turn to face his foe. He lunged again, his face turning red with fury and he sent a punch flying out.
As he got within striking distance Bert dropped into a squat. The punch missed, and the king fell forward, over Bert; and with a great explosion upwards Bert threw him ten foot into the air with a masterful judo move. The king flew some distance, arms and legs flailing, before coming down hard on the floor.
Then the most remarkable thing happened. Just like a rubber balloon, the orange king landed all squishy and then rebounded into the air and floated for a second before coming back down. And just like that he POPPED!
The orange balloon king shot up in the air again making a farting noise and flying wildly around the room for ten seconds or so. Eventually all the air had escaped and this little remnant of balloon landed on the floor. A gasp arose from everyone in the throne room. On the floor was a tiny little orange baby with a confused look.
“Ooh ahhh ahhh haaaa” the little baby boy sounded. Then his little angelic face twisted into a grimace and then a smile as the little baby shat on the floor. “Ahhh haha ha!” He then cried with joy.
The crowd hurried to the little pudgy baby – the baby who lived in a rubber balloon shaped like a man.
Bert sensed it was time to leave, so when everybody was focused on the infant he took off.
The reason for his arrest – the day before he had shouted that the “king is a fink!”
Looking like Bert had been through a tornado, covered in bruises from head to toe, he was yanked out of the van and then two burly secret service agents then marched him up to the throne room of the king of the United States of America.
Bert was kicking at his captors and cursing a stream of insults when he was unceremoniously dumped before the feet of the fake king. Hand cuffs were removed, and he was promptly kicked in order to get him to stand before the mighty king. Bert took a quick look around the room. There were around two dozen of the kings’ closest advisers, all of them stood quietly with a smirk on their face. They stared at Bert Ernie – the usurper.
“So this is the anarchist!” the king commanded in a mocking tone.
Bert turned to face him. He was old, wrinkled and glowed a bright orange, except around the eyes, which were pale pink. His toupee sat on his head half-cocked, and he seemed oblivious to how he looked. Sad clown. Mad, deranged orange king.
He took a deep breath, before he answered. “Yes, this is the anarchist who dared to curse the o’mighty king. I am a man who challenges your authority,” and then paused before offering “And I challenge you to a fight!”
The king’s eyes squinted, he looked at Bert, then looked to his left and right at his key advisers. Several generals give a quick nod.
The king rose from his throne, throwing his elegant robe to the ground.”I accept your challenge!” he shouted.
He lunged at the challenger and just as he came close Bert side-stepped him. The orange-hued king cursed and had to turn to face his foe. He lunged again, his face turning red with fury and he sent a punch flying out.
As he got within striking distance Bert dropped into a squat. The punch missed, and the king fell forward, over Bert; and with a great explosion upwards Bert threw him ten foot into the air with a masterful judo move. The king flew some distance, arms and legs flailing, before coming down hard on the floor.
Then the most remarkable thing happened. Just like a rubber balloon, the orange king landed all squishy and then rebounded into the air and floated for a second before coming back down. And just like that he POPPED!
The orange balloon king shot up in the air again making a farting noise and flying wildly around the room for ten seconds or so. Eventually all the air had escaped and this little remnant of balloon landed on the floor. A gasp arose from everyone in the throne room. On the floor was a tiny little orange baby with a confused look.
“Ooh ahhh ahhh haaaa” the little baby boy sounded. Then his little angelic face twisted into a grimace and then a smile as the little baby shat on the floor. “Ahhh haha ha!” He then cried with joy.
The crowd hurried to the little pudgy baby – the baby who lived in a rubber balloon shaped like a man.
Bert sensed it was time to leave, so when everybody was focused on the infant he took off.
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I am Bert Ernie.
I paint beauty and madness.