I am struggling with depression. I have done so for about twenty years, but at the moment it is the worst it has ever been. In have had significant problems for about five months now and it is only getting worse. The most frustrating thing is I know the cause and how to treat it but can’t access the appropriate treatment at the moment.
Let me explain. My depression is due to my having low testosterone. I discovered this a few years ago and my doctor prescribed testosterone (Sustanon 250). When the results came back worse my doctor kinda freaked out and called a halt. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and sourced testosterone on the black market (via the darknet). After about two months I felt so much better in almost every aspect of my health. I was slowly losing fat, gaining muscle mass, thinking clearer and had only a little problem with depression. Despite having significant ‘external factors’ (the suicide of my brother and death of Rebecca Parker) I only had a few moments where I would feel depressed and cry. In the last few months I would say I have spent about two hours every day crying.
The reason for my current depression is that I got sold an under-dosed batch of testosterone and decided to pursue (once again) a legitimate source of this miracle hormone. However my body has even less ability to create its own testosterone and I am in hormone hell. I have been contemplating suicide but haven’t the courage to do it. I will overcome this with the help of my doctors and friends.